Howard Stern and Burning Mall

Howard Stern was in town having a thing at the mall. I was his special guest for some reason. Him, Robbin and I sat on a small couch dressed as royalty as people came up to us and did whatever they wanted-strange tricks, stunts, girls came up naked-they all tried to impress us.

It was inside a mall, but it was dark and there were candles around to make it look weird.

A girl with her breast exposed came up to us. I was real nervous because thousands of people were watching our every move. She whispered something in Howard’s ear and I reach out for her tits upon Robin’s prompting. I did not touch them, but caressed her cheek instead, I was ridiculed by the crowd.

She then took out two pins and wanted to place them on our crotches. Howard said no, but I said ok. He said I was a very brave man. The pin was a large fancy/pin cushion/corsage or some kind. She stuck me while putting it on, but I thought nothing of it.

Then one guy came up and spit right on me and wanted to fight me. He spit then went crazy but I just ignored him. Eventually Gary led him away, and Howard leaned over and said I handled that nicely.

Another guy came up and wanted to spit fire out of his mouth at Howard’s. He said no, but I said sure. They guy wanted to get real close, but I kept pushing him farther and farther. He did it, and we all applauded.

This went on for a bit, and every other person, wanted to kick my ass and I had no idea why.

Suddenly, one of the neighboring stores burst into flames and everybody was forced to leave the mall. Robin and the entire crew just disappeared. The rest of the crowd was led out in the opposite direction I was headed. I saw Dave K there and because I knew there was to be a fight, I wanted him to stick around and he did. Someone else was with me, Dennis Leary possibly.

I left the couch, turned around to exit through the back way, and I saw ten ugly guys waiting to fight me. They were scared and angry and I had no idea who they were.

After taking a while to sort through all the shoes to retrieve our own pair, you were not allowed to wear shoes in the mall, we went to leave.

I walked towards them with Dennis and Dave, but when I got outside, I was alone. Two guys grabbed me, yelled ‘we got him’ and another guy I did not initially see stepped up before me. He looked me over and said, I thought he was to be a match for me. Let him go.

They released me and walked towards a car waiting by the curb and were about to get in when I yelled, “Who are you?” He turned, it was raining by the way, and said, “You surely did not want to listen to a story in the rain and there is no room in my car, so forget it”.

I told him I would stand in the rain and listen, so he told me.

He sat in his car, and I crouched down beside it, and he told me, in a round about way, that he was Debbie’s ex boyfriend. He looked exactly like the guy in Last American Virgin. He said by all right, he should be able to kick my ass for all the things I said and done.

To the surprise of everyone there, I went off on a long speech and apologized for all the things I did and said, etc. After listening in shocked silence, he got out of the car and walked to his house across the street. I sat and watched as he went inside,then saw his bedroom light go on, then him come to the window to look out at me, then shut the window.

I then looked at the other guys in the car, none of whom looked at me. I then got up and went back inside the mall where Dave and Dennis waited.

This entry was posted in Journeyman's Dreams. Bookmark the permalink.